Hey, I need to know if anyone has encountered this and what they did.
I checked various sites and the advice they gve simply does not work.
First, let me say that I am disabled. Terminally ill they tell me, but it is very slow, gradual, and painful.
I am bedridden usually 4 days a week. I can get up and cook, but the net day I will be so weak and hurting that I cannot move to get out of bed.
Now, my family/roomies take good care of me in most ways. I never go without food if I ask for it, they bathe me when needed and get me drinks and my meds.
However, I have a huge issue that so far, I cannot resolve. In fact, even when I was younger and healthier, my wives seemed to be slobs. My first wife was awful my late second wife was worse. My next live in was even worse, and now the one I am with though she loves me, I trust her totally and she does take good care of me….she is a slob. THey all have been.
Also in my home is my daughter, who works full time night shift at a factory.
My niece and her boyfriend, who just had a baby, and she works full time. My son does not work, but he is also sick, though not disabled. He and I did not get to spend his early years together, and though he is very smart, he has put off college and getting a job because he knows how sick I am, and wants to spend every moment with me that he can, while he can, while I am still of sound mind.
But they are all slobs.
And the days I am able to go cook, I find myself popping pain meds, caffeine pills and guzzling energy drinks so I can clean the messes that they have not. I always end up overdoing things, but my compulsion to have a clean home overrides my pain etc.
Everyone has one assigned chore that is theirs and theirs alone. We have many cats. My girlfriend is supposed to clean the 4 litterboxes each day. BUT, if she doesn’t feel like it, she doesn’t do it. Then the rest get resentful and skip their chores.
There are many chores that are unassigned. I figure since everyone here is an adult, I should not have to hold their hand and say, hey, see the garbage, it is full, can you take it out?
I even wrote an extensive list of daily/weekly/monthly chores. Some of them are ridiculously quick and simple, like filling the ice trays or wiping off the table. But I THOUGHT that by braking it down into tiny bits, they would be more willing to do a few of them.
But they don’t. And me, the very sick guy ends up doing almost all of it, time after time. And it is only making my condition worse. However, I cannot help myself, I cannot stand the mess.
Shit, I see them walk right over a pile of mess on the floor, not take two seconds to pick it up.
That is most of the background, I am sure there is more, but I am heavily sedated today forgive me. Also, forgive my terrible typing. One of my conditions is a deterioration of my motor control, and I make lots of typos as my fingers do not hit the keys I want sometimes. I try to catch the typos, but cannot catch them all.
Here are the solutions I have tried.
1. Everyone has one assigned chore. They do not always stick to this, and it can get pretty bad. My girlfriend did not do litterboxees for three days, and shit was piled everywhere. Then my son decided since she didn’t, he did not do the dishes, and on it went.
2. Making chore lists. every room has daily and weekly things to be done. Everyone has a highlighter color, when they do a chore, they mark it with their color. That worked for about a week.
3. I have tried begging, pleading, being angry, threats, etc etc. I tried reasonable communication first, but when that failed, my frustration boiled over.
4. I am quite poor and cannot afford a maid.
5. My other daughter has Power of Attorney. She lives out of town and is threatenting to put me into a nursing home if things do not get better. She knows nursing homes can be dirty, but she hates her daddy going through this.
I just do not know what to do. I cannot stand…obsessively…a dirty home.
I should point out that I am not a white glove kind of guy, I do not mind a bit of dust. A few dishes are fine, I am not a super obsessive guy, except when it comes to the kitchen. We eat there, so I am meticulous about it.
I do nto know if anyone has any good advice, but I needed to get this off my chest.
Thank you all for listening.
In the language of my tribe, Xeli Okuntawakana (Many Blessings)
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