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January 6, 2012 at 10:05 am

i have the sweetest boyfriend..he has 3 kids that are awesome and an ex wife that is not.  she cheated on him and left him for the other guy.  His heart was broken, he was sad, now he's mad.  She makes a lot of money and he didn't so he was a stay at home dad for 6 years, so when she divorced him, she had to start paying alimony.  They had an expensive house which he still lives in and uses the alimony to pay for.  it is on the market to sell and when it sells they will split the equity. the ex moved into a small apartment.  they share custody.  The ex has a really expensive car and bought a baby grand piano which she makes payments on.  Now she's telling him he should take a cut in alimony and let her move back into the house because it's not fair to her or the kids and it would be better for the kids if she moved into the house instead.  they live with him half the time, so to me it doesn't matter which one of them is in the house, they'll spend equal time there. She says she only has so much money to live on every month and the kids are “starving”.  if they are starving why doesn't she get a cheaper car and sell the piano?  that would free up about $1000/month.

she is just using them to get to him and make him feel guilty, even though she is the one that left the marriage for someone else.

 

he says he sees what she's up to but he's actually considering taking a cut in alimony and moving just so he can be done with her, but I know from exerience that she will want more and more as time goes on and things will never change.  she's extremely jealous of me. The kids do not like to be with her and her boyfriend, they hate the boyfriend and she yells at them all the time.  they call me mom and tell me how much nicer I am than their mom.

I love them all, but his obsession with her is bringing me down…it's like that's what he talks about 90% of the time.  he's sweet to me and does a lot for me.

Another problem is that i've been offered a job out of state.  I don't want to leave him but it's a terrific opportunity and i've been wanting to move out of state for a long time.  I feel like if I leave now I”m abandoning them like their mom did and it will be too devastating for all of them.  I don't want to hurt anyone, but at what point do I have to look out for myself and stop trying to help them?