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June 13, 2017 at 1:20 am

I fucked up so bad. I was frustrated with my girlfriend (now ex I guess) and I said something I shouldn’t have said. She got really upset with me so I waited until she calmed down a bit and told her I wanted to talk. I told her about some stuff I lied to her about. I came clean with everything. About how I’m a compulsive liar and how I’m an attention whore and I just want people to pity me and pay attention to me. She was furious. She told me it was over and that it’s never happening again. She didn’t leave though. She’s still with me while I’m writing this but she’s asleep. I feel terrible. I don’t know what I’m going to do now. I always imagined we would get married and move in together and be happy. We’ve been together for almost a year. I didn’t think it would end so suddenly. I scrolled through our past texts and wanted to actually fucking kill myself. I can’t stop remembering all the good happy times we had together and how it’s all gone now and will never happen again. It feels like a part of me is just dead now. I barely have the energy to write this. She’s going to go date this guy who does drugs and drinks a lot of alcohol too. I just can’t deal with any of this. I don’t want to see her destroy herself with this guy. I don’t want her to leave me. I want to make her happy and see her smile more. I just want to scream.