Author Posts

May 3, 2013 at 10:44 pm

Got a girl, shes 20, I'm 20 in August. My first girlfriend ever, never really wanted a girlfriend until i realized I did. Up until a month ago, I thought I wanted to be single always, meeting and hooking up with different girls randomly. I was having a great time, everything was chill. Then i met this girl through my friend, he was tryin to get with her when he brought her to one of my house parties. I'm not going to get into how we ended up together because thats a whole nother story, but in the end she fell for me. We dated for a few weeks and everything was fun. I'm not good at letting down my guard and being vulnerable, I just didn't ever do it, it would make me feel weak. I'm not someone that likes to vent all my problems to everyone so that it can make me feel better(ironic I know). Anyways this pushed her away cause she didnt know how I really felt about everything…shit i didnt even know. So she went out and cheated on me I guess, though to be honest I would have cheated on her too at the time, since we really weren't in a relationship, all we would do was have sex, toke, cuddle, and I'd have her give me the best massages omg so bomb. Anyways I realized I was kinda hurt by this and after getting her back and committing to a relationship. I finally opened up for probably the first time I can think of in my entire 20 years of life. We've shared so many incredible moments this past month, its got me thinking I actually love this girl. Shes fallen madly in love with me she always tells me and gets super passionate and emotional about it. We're really passionate about each other. SOOOOO after all this, I realize I haven't even mentioned the biggest detail, she's married. Yup she's been married for 1 year and a half to her military husband. He's been gone for 9 months until just a few days ago. She's divorcing him and her family is going crazy about it. She's still staying here a couple blocks away at her parents house before they move a couple hours away to the new house that he bought her. Once over there, their getting divorced and the whole process is expected to take 4 months. Meaning I'm going from spending almost every day over the past month with her to not being able to see her for 120 days and the worst part is that I can't even see her while she's still here for 2 more days. I've seen her twice since he came this week, both times for 20-30 minutes each time. I really care for this girl and she's said things to me that noone really ever has. The intimacy is something like i've never experienced and she really makes me happy. I know, this entire situation sounds fucked up and wrong, but I just don't give. a. fuck. I guess the reason I'm here venting my ass off is because I've been feeling really down and just not myself this week. I haven't felt this sad and lost since I can remember, I'm just not myself and I hate it. Now i sit here, drowning my sorrows in alcohol just so I don't have to feel so shitty. I have a lot of friends and my family is extremely caring towards me, but I just feeling really lonely. Friends I could just call and they would come over just aren't available as much anymore. I got used to seeing so much, I guess it just hit me kinda hard when I couldn't see her anymore. Thing is if I knew everything was ok and she wasn't going through a bunch of shit right now, I'd be ok not seeing her as much just knowing everythings ok. The fact that I know nothing is ok and I'm not able to hold her and lay with her and make her feel better just makes me feel really empty.

May 3, 2013 at 10:53 pm

Damn, I just read some other posts, my shit is long as fuck haha oops.