I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way, but I have always been ignored by people that I talk to. Sometimes when I am in a conversation with two or more people they are all talking and I feel as though they are not listening to me and I just happen to get really angry afterward feeling as though I am not important or that I am just someone that they just happen to string along. Any time when I hang out with someone or some group, I am always left to stand on the “outskirts” so to speak. When I am in public, I am so withdrawn from people and around crowds, I get a little nervous so I always wait until the coast is clear in order to be able to leave. I just have a fear of crowds. All my life I have had a fear of crowds and I hate them because I feel like I would not fit in and it does make me uncomfortable. As much as I want to be an extrovert, there is one thing that just keeps me from wanting to go out and meet people: the lack of commonality between me and friends.
Also, I would like you to know that I am fairly young and that a lot of times when others talk about stuff that I am not interested or do not know anything about, I feel left out and I feel so hard to try and fit in because it seems like they are all engrossed in this conversation but I am not so making friends has been difficult for me. I just feel like friendship is difficult for me wherever I go because of the lack of interests I have in other people’s activities. At the same time, I am also a people-pleaser, which makes it worse because I feel like if others are happy, I am happy. That’s not always the case. On the inside, I am just feeling really miserable but often times I do not express my feelings to others because I find it hard to trust them and I do not want to worry others or make them upset. So I bury it all in until it’s time and then I let someone know about it but usually they just shrug it off or they pretend that they are not listening to me. This really upsets me and I feel that even if I do complain, it is not going to work. So I thought to myself that there must be some way that I can cope with it without complaining. Normally I do not complain because I feel that it would hurt someone else’s feelings or that it would give off a bad vibe towards others so I just bite my tongue. However, on the inside, I am thinking,”Why not raise hell? Why not start some drama just to show how much you are hurt?” Then I start telling myself that if I do, I might lose all these friends so I end up not doing or saying anything at all. Since some of you may have been in similar situations(or not), I just would like your input on this. Maybe your advice would help. Thank you.
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