Author Posts

July 14, 2017 at 9:21 pm

I’m gonna put this out their, but I wish people could be more inclusive of trans people. Honestly, does it really hurt you to respect someone else by pronouncing “she/he”, or are you too stuck up that it physically pains you to see someone being comfortable? How pathetic do you have to be to not change a word of a goddamn phrase?
The world seems cold to me. I’m about to go off to college in a year, allthewhile moving into a cramped apartment from a deuxplex apartment, and I have to graduate with a fucking IB diploma or I will feel like a shitty person. No one here to support me besides my friend who spends most times venting then actually having an important conversation with me. I wish I could say I had no friends, and I’m generally honest about these things, but it pains me to think of how she would feel if I said we don’t have a connection. She had feelings for me and I had feelings for her, but what does that even mean? I’ve gotten over it and now I can’t even picture myself being in a relationship with anyone after I broke up with my ex of over a year. Shit, the transition was hard at first, but I dig not waking up and texting someone, constantly putting on a facade to make him happy, and all the other shit he liked. Fuck him. He barely helped with my depression that I easily got over myself as soon as I broke out of that relationship. So *clap clap* for you, sir. I hope I didn’t fuck you up that badly since he could barely hold yourself together when I wasn’t around to hold up a meaningless conversation with you.
I feel slightly guilty for pushing these feelings of anger away because I fucking love being single, and being open to only having friends (with benefits, too). I’m tired of all of the bullshit labels like boyfriend or girlfriend, or even husband and wife. I legit just wish to have a soulmate until I die. Someone who actually wants to learn from me or even take on the same challenges I do.

And to anyone who thinks they’re friends with me, stop kidding yourself. I could never be friends with someone who thinks having a conversation every time I happen to see you makes us friends. You’ll either die with me or you won’t. Pick one because I’m tired of putting up with people’s huge egos of them having such amazing friends and including me when you all practically put your shit on me when I allow you to vent. Then I become involved in drama that I couldn’t give a shit about. Just like the time I told you that you possibly thought I was “playing with your emotions” or whatever the hell I said, then you told your other “friend” about how I wanted to be with you. And this was around the time I broke up with my ex for probably the fifth time then got back together because he was being a sap and needed someone to coddle him. Fuck him, again. She thought I was a shitty person for getting back together with him after opening up about how I kinda felt about her. Emphasis on kinda. I wouldn’t have dated her since she doesn’t like secretive dating, which is ridiculous. What the fuck do other people’s opinions have anything to do with how I feel towards someone? That’s why labels are destructive to relationships. So, thanks for blowing that idea out of the fucking water, of us ever being together. I wasn’t even in a state to be emotionally invested in a new relationship after breaking up. I’m not like you. I don’t play kiss and tell, and I probably never would since I value privacy and secrecy as long as its justified.

All I can say now is that I’m glad I got some of my feelings out. Here’s a last fuck you to all of the people who used me for emotional support, yet never gave anything in return even though I was contemplating suicide for nearly 8 years. Ever since I was 10. So yeah, fuck off.