Author Posts

March 12, 2011 at 10:38 pm

It was in that moment that something clicked. I was no longer the same person as I was before. I was no longer a little girl with big goals and even bigger dreams. No, I was trashed, experienced, and all alone. Promises meant nothing, because they could easily be broken with a lie. I was left behind to die and the only thing that mattered to me now was finding him and getting revenge. That doesn’t mean revenge as in ‘let’s kill this fucker and toss his body aside because he’s a redneck hick that enjoys beating up ten year olds and incest with his cousin.’ No, I want revenge by saying, “Yeah, you fucked my life up big time. But I’m strong enough to stand against the current and still live on. I know you enjoyed every blow you dealt me, even though you won’t admit it. I know that you can’t wait to get back to Painesville just to see how fucked up I am. How much I let myself go and how much I’ve fallen apart at the seams. But, I was able to pick myself up and start over, even though it took a year. I’ve moved on from you and I’ll never go back.” It’ll feel great to know that I’m not caught up on you anymore. It’ll feel wonderful to get a good night’s sleep and to wake up completely refreshed and looking forward to the day ahead of me. I’ve been stuck in a rut far too long, and I can no longer blame you for it. All this emotional stress has gotten to me, but it’s my fault for letting it get this far. I’m finally able to say that I don’t hate you. Because I don’t, it’s true. As much as I would like to say I do, I don’t. No, first loves can’t be hated. I certainly don’t like you. And the love I felt for you, that was once so strong, now just sits in the corner of my heart. It will lay untouched and unused for a very long time. Possibly forever, I hope. I don’t need you anymore. I have said this in the past after you left me. I said it, but I didn’t believe it. And now? Now I believe it with every fiber in my being. I don’t need you. I don’t want you. I don’t have you. And I don’t want to. You’re the single worst thing that has happened to me. I don’t regret it because without you, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I wouldn’t know the things I know and I wouldn’t love my family and friends the way I do. They were so forgiving and loving, even though I didn’t and don’t deserve. I love them so much, and it’s real love, not first love or puppy love. I NEED them in my life. But you? I don’t need you. I truly don’t. So this is me saying Goodbye. For good. No more can I blame all my long-term mistakes on you. No more do I want to blame them on you. I’ve moved on. And I’m finally free. I don’t want you and I’m glad to finally be able to say that. I can finally listen to the songs that made me cry with a smile on my face. And that’s where it will always be, that smile. Because I have nothing to frown about. I have nothing to be annoyed about. I have a wonderful life and a wonderful family. And it’s all thanks to you that I realize it. So, Goodbye. For the last time, I don’t need you. Goodbye and good riddance.

March 14, 2011 at 5:30 am

Really enjoyed your writing. You have an amazingly descriptive way with words. It's almost like a song