Author Posts

March 7, 2014 at 7:26 pm

ConfusedI'm a heroin addict of about 3 years total. So is my boyfriend. We bang, or shoot up, heroin. The only difference is? Is that I have an appointment on Monday starting a suboxone program to get clean. I actually just hung up with my boyfriend. We'll call him Harold. He's very proud of me.  I asked him,

“so are YOU gonna stop?” he replies,

“just bc you are, doesn't mean I have to.” …

I tell him that there's really no point in being together if he can't or won't stop. Harold says he just won't do it around me.. he also thinks he can just stop without any help at all..

I need to rescue him. I need to take him away from all the bad people he's continuing to hang out with. I want to save my baby 🙁

Harold thinks he can just get himself off of it by doing less and less everyday or adding more water to the syringe. IDK. He has SOME plan.. alwaysss does. but it's not real. He needs professional help. He needs a real support team. He needs me. Like I said, I want to save him.. I don't want my baby ending up dead 🙁 or in jail, in prison, in a ditch somewhere so strung out he doesn't even know what happened. I love him so much and I just want the best for him. But idk if we're going to be able to make it together if he won't stop. I can't change him. I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Before we got back together this last time I was always telling people how bad I wanna help him. they're all like,

“you can't help someone who doesn't wanna be helped.”

and I'm like, “no fucking shit. that's why im gonna kidnap him, put him in my basement and MAKE him get clean.”

I was obviously joking..

I've been clean 3 days now. the doctor's have me on Diazepam to help me sleep until I get into this program on Monday. Once I have my suboxone, I'll be set! i'll be clean forever. I've made it a year, two months and 17 days clean before. I can do it again and longer this time. like for life!!!

but Harold… idk if i'll be able to stay with him. I love him SOO much though. I just want him to get help so bad ;( please baby… stop doing this to yourself before you end up dead… Cry

May 8, 2014 at 1:00 pm

Goodness! How intense! Hope you’re still going strong! Have you seen the movie Smashed (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2063781/)? About an alcoholic couple with one trying to clean herself up and her partner preferred to stay as he is.