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December 8, 2016 at 5:30 pm

The last few months have been the worst in my life…

first some backstory: two years ago i was in college studying biology. i failed every class and lost my scholarship. With my scholarship i lost direct contact with my best friends in the world. I now speak to them only sporadicaly on facebook. It all went to shit from there. I worked for a year, until the supermarket where i worked decided not to renew my contract. at first i thought it wasn’t that bad because i was about to start a new course.

then the last three months happened.

my grandfather is sick, he has skincancer below his eye, and he was convinced his life is over, son in a space of 3 months, i have witnessed my grampa go from a young man in an old body, to a shadow… he takes medication to ease his stress, wich just makes him numb and disoriented.

Finaly on the 6th of december he had surgery to remove the cancer, wich aparently was a success, and everyone relaxed a little. earlier tonight i found out he was put in a medical induced coma, for respiratory insuficiency. He is now hooked up to a respirator and i don’t know if he is going to be ok.

My parents are stressed out and so am i. i feel like they put their stress out on me. i cant always contain myself. a lot of times i got so angry my jaw actually locked up for some hours or even a day. Don’t worry, i didn’t try to hit anybody. i’d check myself into an institution before i did that.

Because i was fired from my job, and noone wants to hire a guy with my schedule, i am always broke, and whenever i have to ask my parents for money, my mom makes me feel like a loser for asking for money.

The only thing i have going for me is that i started dating someone, but he’s probably leaving in february.

 

all this is too much to handle…

today i broke down crying in the train. i just crumbled down and sobbed until i got home. i thought taking a walk through Porto would calm me down, but it just gave me time to thing about how fucked my life is.

My parents are no help. they have their own stuff to deal with.

sometimes i just feel like getting my stuff and just leaving. then i realized i don’t have anywhere to go, and no money to eat…

what can i do?