Author Posts

May 21, 2009 at 2:08 am

I'm really depressed. I used to be suicidal & tried to kill myself using pills many times as a teen, almost succeeding more than once. I have basically let all of my hopes & dreams (which were few to start with) go. I live for my family. They act like if I want to leave & do something in my life that I am purposely trying to leave them, especially my dad. The thing is, I am living for these 2 people, but I am miserable ALL THE TIME. I feel those old feelings creeping up. My dad never understood suicide & depression. He only sees that his life is hard, too. But it doesn't make my pain any less. I have no joy & nothing I look forward to. I cry EVERY day. The more I try to talk myself out of doing something bad, the less the reasons I give myself seem to matter. My dad is always angry & in a bad mood. So even when I can manage to get myself into a decent mood, it never lasts long. I don't know what to do anymore. If this is life, then I don't want it anymore. I've always been depressed. You can only tell yourself it will get better for so long. It doesn't get better. It hasn't for over 12 years now. This is not enough to make the pain worth it. I hate my life. Someone come take it PLEASE.

February 18, 2011 at 2:01 pm

It's been close to three years. I really hope you are doing better.

February 18, 2011 at 2:02 pm

ooops…. close to two years…. bad math… lol