Author Posts

July 15, 2012 at 5:25 pm

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. As background for this vent, I met him and his ex-girlfriend at the same time, and became friends with the both of them. We were loose friends for years, and at a certain point he invited my family (myself and 2 children) to move in with him and his (at this point ex-girlfriend), and their child. She'd begun dating another man, and the homeowner friend and I “hooked up”, unbeknownst to her. 

Shit hit the fan when she found out, a roller coaster of a few months ensued but somehow through it all, he and I have stayed together. 

Since “shit hit the fan” she's put up a barrier between my children spending time with her child. 

Within the past few months, a court order has been established mandating that my boyfriends parenting times be spent at his parents house, 35 miles away, even though he lives with me and rents a separate studio space in our home area for him to take his son to. 

So, every other week, even though he lives here, he's obligated to go to his parents home to spend time with his son. 

He has let his ex know of his new living situation, but she refuses to change the court order, refuses to allow him parenting time at his own home.

I hate the fact that I can not be a part of his sons life, and that we will not be able to take vacations together, that when it's his weekend with his son, he needs to make arrangements to get to his parents house (my boyfriend chooses not to drive), that his ex won't take him there, even though she drives right past our house to take their son there. 

I hate the fact that when I get pissy about the whole stupid situation, I'm the needy woman who can't understand that she's still “not ready” to put the past behind her.

I hate the fact that when he leaves, I don't know how long he'll be gone for, that I often have to spend my own time and money to go and pick him up.

I hate the fact that we can't all come together and share our lives… that I will never be able to have a “normal” relationship with his son. (His son is 6 1/2 now).

I hate the fact that even though my boyfriend is a 41 year old man, he can not make sound choices regarding his parenting philosophies, that his parents house, while loving, means that he's compromising what he feels is important for his son (dietary health, media influence).  

I hate that anger that his ex feels, and that the multiple attempts I've made to make amends have been shut down, that she claims to be this “spiritual guru” but can't move past her anger, that she takes her anger out on their child, that she calls my children a “bad influence”, even though my children are among the most loving children I know. 

I just hate this whole stupid situation, and want to move past it. I want to have a relationship where there are no restrictions. Where my partner stands up for me and my children when another is acting spitefully toward us. 

I hate all the other shit that has gone down in our relationship stemming from her and her mandates and dictates, and that my wants and needs are always put on the back burner in honor of her wants and needs.

I want him to recognize that even though I'm not his sons parent, I am my boyfriends partner, and what is important in his life is important to me. I want him to recognize my feelings of disappointment, and to prioritize me. I've been patient for four fucking years, and I'm sick of it. 

Or I want to be able to walk away from this relationship. For some reason, I can't do that. I've tried. There is something between this man and I… or between this man and my created ideal of *him and I*.

Hmmmm. I'm really pissy tonight about this. 

Thanks for reading to the end!