Author Posts

May 18, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Ever since I found out I was pregnant, my relationship has been deteriorating. I think it started with having to quit my job – I worked with chemicals, and my work was physically strenuous plus I had the worst morning (all day!) sickness. I had to quit much sooner than I anticipated and I spent most of my pregnancy on the couch, exhausted and feeling sick. My fiancé works about an hour and a half from our home and runs his own business, so I know he is stressed a lot but I don’t feel like that gives him a license to say some of the things he does. While I was pregnant there were a lot of, “you are not working” comments. Well, I’m sorry but you didn’t want me to work hours that you were home so we could see each other. And it’s really fun laying on the couch all day exhausted and feeling like I am going to vomit 24/7. Then there were the make up comments. Why don’t you put some make up on? Maybe I don’t feel like it…I am fat and hot and uncomfortable. Well other pregnant do. So what? Sorry I can’t be a hottie for you right now. Sorry I just want to be comfortable. And now that the baby is here it’s the same thing, worse because now I have no time for myself because the baby doesn’t nap so I can’t even shower until he gets home and then has the audacity to tell me to hurry up because he’s tired. Because I didn’t carry the baby around for ten hours and nurse her all day and still somehow manage to keep the house in order and help my eight year old do homework, etc. He claims to ‘appreciate’ what it takes to take care of the baby but he has no idea. He still goes to work just like he always did for the majority of the day and comes home and holds the baby for a little while so I can shower. He still gets to go and run errands without a screaming baby for everyone to stare at while he tries to get groceries. He still gets to go to a concert or spend time on his hobbies. I don’t, I have a demanding feeding schedule that I need to adhere to with the baby. So why is it that I am expected to be dressed to his liking, have make up on and my hair done when I have enough trouble taking the dogs out to go to the bathroom because the baby goes nuts if I put her down. I’m sick of asking for the trash to be taken out only to have to do it myself most of the time, nagging to have yardwork done or whatever other crap he has procrastinated on. I get his job is hard but I also get that he blows at prioritizing and doesn’t work Friday-Sunday. I’m so tired of all of this and I wish I was single, had my own job and my own place with my kids and my pets and that’s it. At least I can admit my flaws and I understand that I am nowhere near perfect. But he thinks he is just great. Well, you know what? You aren’t that great. I thought you were, but it’s just an illusion. A very good illusion. But really you kind of suck, you waste your intelligence because you would rather struggle on your own accord than thrive under someone else’s authority. You are manipulative and controlling and I am really getting sick of it. Through my pregnancy up until now, you haven’t done much but make me feel useless and not good enough. Thanks for that. You really are a jerk sometimes. I know you will never read this and I will go back to sucking it up until I can’t take it anymore and when that happens I will get to tell you all of this to your face and you still won’t believe it, and you’ll think “I’m such a good boyfriend, why do they all leave me?”

May 23, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Whew!  It certainly seems you have your hands full.  Having a new baby is a stressful situation for anyone, much less when you feel you're doing all the work alone.  All you can really do is be honest with your man.  Tell him you need help.  Suggest that you both sit down and write up a schedule for tasks around the house and for the baby.  I think if everyone was less stressed because they all know their jobs, and what is needed of them, some things might start falling into place.  Also, feel free to include your eight year old in that task list as well.  My brother is nine years older than I, and while he was not expected to take care of me all the time, he was made to understand by our mom and dad that the family unit has changed and that being a big brother comes with some new responsibilities.  Children that age can be a wonderful help.  I know it's hard for you right now.  Sometimes men don't understand the concept of having a baby.  The emotional part anyway.  Sure, every woman is prone to PMS or mood swings from hormones, but pregnancy and post pregnancy is completely different!  There are hormone changes, there's a new helpless baby to take care of, and there are people pulling you all different directions wanting to see you and the new baby, and all you want to do is hide until your mind and body get back to normal (if there is such a thing)!  So if that man doesn't see that, well, he isn't the only one.  There are plenty of insensitive men out there who just can't get that concept!  All you can do is be honest with him and yourself.  Also, give him a time frame as to how long you are going to give him to make up his mind to be a helpful father and fiance.  Then stick to it.

On the happy side, however, congratulations on your new baby.  I'm sure you feel so many different emotions now, but concentrate on the beautiful children you have, and be the best you can be despite other people.  Also, don't worry about your looks.  You are a new mom, and you can look any way you want!  Put on make-up or don't.  Screw anyone who tries to tell you different!  You are special and doing a great job raising kids who could be the next great people of our future.  Good luck to you and your family and God bless!!!!!!!!!!!   Smile

June 8, 2011 at 5:22 am

Thank you for the kind words. We did talk and I said what I had to say and to my surprise he listened. Things have been much better since then and it was nice to get all of that off of my chest.