Ok I just need to vent to a group of people who do not know me.
I’m sort of just tired of living and feel like my life is pointless. Yes I have family that might cry but will recover quickly. I just feel empty and nothing helps with filling this void. I just want to give up and even tried but that didn’t work out to well… So I’m stuck in this best world… Alone! Sometimes I wonder how can God be so cruel! I’m a women who can’t have kids but love the idea of family, yet I’m stuck in this world to live miserably alone and watch everyone go on with their families. I just really wish I could go to sleep and never edge up. Life is just to much…. I can go on and on… And I know that there are people with more or worst problems but today, right now, in my life…. Mines are! Part of me feels selfish for to die cause I know it would hurt my family, however I’m going thru this poison alone and I’m tired… Can’t find love, hell probably because I can’t find myself! Or maybe because I know that no one will ever want a women who can’t have kids. I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life with out having my own family. Why am I not good enough to be a mother? I went to school… Actually got a few degrees, didn’t want to struggle like my mom did raising my siblings and myself in a single parent household…. I went to school just to have a family… So here I am with multiple degrees and making decent money alone with a sometimes boyfriend (for over 12yrs) and stol no kids to began the next stage of my life! I just want it all to end, how come life and death isn’t an option? I just want to not think so much. I just want a holiday filled with “my” family, “my” purpose to live, “my” boyfriend who loves me and left me without doubt…. I just wish I could have these things that are so precious that money has no value. Want I wish for is that unconditional love I hear my family and friends speak of. What I wish for was to not be alone in my apartment every day stuvk laying the bed once I enter my place and staying in my room all day because there is no purposd of getting out! I just wish I had purpose or the will to live. I just want to go to that great place called heaven where I will worry no more. My life is horrible! Went to college to better myself and wales away owing more money then I make in loans with no one but me to pay it off…. Mother works hard to try to help take care of my siblings by the way has kids but no money…. I don’t know if I did the right thing our not! The only child to accomplish a career and I’m in debt…..with no family to val my own! What am I here for God…… I just don’t understand! These feelings I have are so strong, I just don`t feel like I belong here…in this world. I can’t stay here so why make me lord? or do I not deserve to be in heaven either? I just want out! Everyone has a purpose God but I dont know mines….. I don’t want to be alone….. I give up