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October 6, 2010 at 6:50 pm

I need to tell you the story of my useless boyfriend.  We have been together for seven years now.  He is the most talented/skilled man I have ever met.  Ask him about anything, and he knows something about it.  He can do anything from fixing cars, cooking, and building anything, but these skills mean nothing because he is an alcoholic, lazy, POS who apparently thinks he is owed something.  Now, I will give you that it's hard to find a job these days for anyone, but it's even harder when you don't even bother to look.  What does he think?  Are the jobs going to just show up at the door?

In 2007, I bought a house.  MY HOUSE, not his.  He lives there for practically nothing.  He does mow the lawn! Gee thanks, huh?  I would never have bought this house, but he promised he would help out with the cost.  Another of a long string of broken promises.  I work my ass off at a job I've had for nearly ten years.  It doesn't pay huge, but I do my best.  The bills are always behind, but I am keeping up the best I can.  If he would just take one of them off my hands, it would help substantially!  I don't even give a care if he helps with the house payments or the bills like phone and things I would have already, but kick in on the stuff you use!  Because he is there sucking up electric, water, gas, etc.  those bills cost me more!  He can't get that through his little pea head.

Oh, he's not completely lazy.  He does work odd jobs, and he works on cars for cash.  But where does that money go?  To his beer of course!  I ask him when I will see any of that money, and he says he buys all the food for our house!  I beg your pardon??  I PAY FOR OUR FOOD because my tax money goes to his food stamps!  He is so full of it. 

I used to hate him, but now I can't even do that.  I have no feelings of any kind for him.  I just want him out of my life!  I don't know how to get him to leave my house without bringing in the law.  I guess that's my only option.  I just know it has to end soon, or I am not going to keep my sanity!  He is such a liar when he says he loves me.  He just says that so I will let him stay.  I don't even fall for that.  I just can't wait for him to be GONE!!!!  I pray it will be soon!

October 7, 2010 at 9:58 am

You really need to give him an ultimatum. I'm sure you have thought about it but you will really reget it if you dont act soon. Especially if want to get married to someone and have kids etc. Life is too short to mess around with someone that doesn't share the same (or similar) goals as you do. You'll end up bitter if you don't.

October 16, 2010 at 6:07 pm

You and I have VERY similar lives.  Fortunately, I've only tolerated mine for 2.5 years and already know what needs to be done/changed in my life.  Unfortunately for me… I still love mine.  Nonetheless, he's been a constant financial and emotional drain on me from the beginning.  You see, mine's on SSI (Disability).  100% Mentally Disabled due to severe Bi-Polar disorder.  It's official; on paper.  Of course, he's used an illness, which is greatly overexaggerated by him as an excuse for his unpredictable behavior.  I've never met/experienced anyone who can be so loving, kind-hearted, happy and simple one minute and then so manipulative, abusive (emotional & a couple of times physical), hateful, greedy & complex the next.  He's my best friend, yet the way he uses me & other people in his life makes my stomach turn.  In the last two and a half years, I have supported him financially, physically and emotionally.  “Trying” to understand.  I've been through so many sleepless nights of him not coming home, him stealing from me and pawning my belongings, as well as talked to women who have told me he's had sexual encounters with him.  He's jealous & controlling.  He accuses me of cheating ALL the time.  Something I would NEVER do.  I recently found out where a lot of my money has been going, which also explains his shady behavior.  My beloved is a crack-addict.  I even tried to support him in this.  I found meetings, rehabs, etc.  But, he won't follow-thru with anything positive.

Again, like you, I'm a professional.  I have a good job that I would like to keep.  I've tried to kick him out three times, but he simply will not leave.  The first time he put his hands on me, I called the police.  Guess what?  We BOTH went to jail for the night.  I've never broken a law in my life (besides speeding) and here I was in a cell for nothing.  I didn't even fight back.  Mine's a pusher, literally.  I guess when he gets so mad he has to get in my face, cuss me out and push me backwards.  Of course, the next day it's all sunshine & roses again.  Here come the apologies & the “I'll never do it agains”… LOVE is my obstacle.  How can I love someone like this?  I have no idea.  I swear if I knew how to cut off my emotions, I would.  Anyway… back on track…

Last week, he put his hands on me again.  Yelling, pushing me around, etc.  I knew if I callled the police, I'd probably end up with some deja-vu and I can't risk losing my job.  I demanded he leave and he wouldn't, so like you I feel stuck.  THERE IS HOPE.  Yes, it does take legal action, but not so much the side I feared and it will get him out of your home.  Go to the courthouse and file a protection/restraining order.  I don't know what state you live in, but where I am in Alabama, I was told this will be served to him and he will have to vacate my home immediately and have no further contact with me.  Since we are not married and it is MY home, he has to leave.  Because I still love this psycho my problem is doing it, knowing he has nowhere to go, no money, no food, etc.  I'm a big-hearted person, but I feel I've seriously been taken advantage of and need to take some control of my life.

I hope this helps you to get out of your situation.  It's simply helped me to vent a little while.  🙂  Best of luck!    

February 9, 2011 at 3:41 pm

I'd love to take this opportunity to vent about a very similar situation. My husband and I have been married for nearly 9 years. We have two small children. I run my own business and am quite successful… my husband, on the other hand, can't seem to find his feet in a career. 

When I met him he had ambition – told me he was going to school to be an Fine Arts Professor. A college professor, that's great! That sounds good, right? Yeah, except after we were married a year later he gave up and decided to go into IT. Then a couple years after that he realized he didn't like sitting in front of a computer and got a job doing retail. He hated that too, and by that time my business was really taking off and I told him that, if he wanted, he could quit the retail job and be a stay-at-home-dad. Maybe that would make him happy? No. Two years of that and he was more aggrivated than ever. So I encouraged him to go back to school and back to his original aspirations of teaching… he worked on his portfolio and got a full-ride for his MFA. Great! Except it was only at an out-of-state school, so there we go, we sell our house and move to Washington while he gets another degree. But then of course the housing bubble burst, unemployment skyrockets and by the time he's finished there isn't a single school in the country that would hire him, because he has ZERO experience in teaching and they have 300 to 400 applicants for a single position. So that brings us to today… nearly a year after he finished school and he won't bother to apply for any job unless it has to do with fine art. I married a fucking starving artist and the economy has hit my business hard, so bills are hard to pay – today I found out I need to have a possible melinoma removed, fucking great – and he's content to play his XBox 5 hours a day while he “holds out for a management position”. Sure, he helps with the kids while I work (out of my home office), but they're in school most of the day so I'm thinking, why aren't you looking for a job? What is it that you REALLy do all day? And he's pissy most of the time too. He's not abusive, except verbally at times, and he blames it on being unemployed for going on 6 years now. But yet he won't look for a job. I'M SICK OF IT!!

Worst of all, I was approached by an old friend recently… well, he's an ex-boyfriend, and he wants to have an affair. He's married with three kids and is frustrated with his wife for almost the same reasons I'm frustrated with my husband. What to do? I love my family, but I'm hitting my breaking point. I know cheating is wrong, but the temptation to get away from my life even for a couple of hours is overwhelming. I am just at a loss for what to do. The state of the economy is too bad on my business to afford a divorce, even though everything is mine… the house, the car, the furniture. I even bought his goddamn XBox. 

Well, thanks for letting me vent. I don't know what I'll do moving forward, but it needs to be something soon. Yell