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January 23, 2014 at 12:05 pm

THE TIME HAS COME when… I MUST vent. Perhaps this may be obvious but it is not a good idea to complain about your in-laws to my husband.

I love my husband so much but his mom has been really getting on my nerves. I know she really wants to help but is only projecting stress onto me. In filling out a “arret de travaille” form (a type of short-term sick-leave form) she told me I HAD to put my married name on it. Well. I told her I had decided to keep my maiden name. She says, “That should have been decided on the day of marriage”, insinuating this should not have been changed half-way through. I know she is concerned about the implications, considering this is administration in France after all (a real nightmare sometimes!), BUT this TOTALLY hit a nerve with me. I have the right to choose what I use as my last name and it could help if she could stop repeating it in a stressful way, on and on. 

I started to ignore what she saying after a while because it was the same stream of “do this, do that”, “why are you not wearing enough; this is not the time to be catching a cold”, “what about this jacket”, “what about this coat”. I already DAMN well and POLITELY SAID that my body gets really hot and that “I am ok as I am thankyou”… I am usually a very agreeable, polite, respectful person but when I tipped over (which is not that easy), it has to be for a good reason…

She phones my husband later at work in a panicked state saying what I should or shouldn't do and that *GASP* I wasn't filling out the forms correctly, that he should tell me why I should.

I feel bad that I was telling my husband yesterday and today about how I feel about her (in addition to a few other incidents). It's his mother, he loves and respects her and I feel I crossed a boundary there that I should not have. I feel this is a safe place to express my great anger, frustration, feeling of being disrespected, walked-on and put on the level of a child. YES I'm 22, but this does not mean I am a child and that my husband is the adult/replacement parent here.

I did the form the way I WANTED to, not because I don't know any better.

**Please, do anybody have any advice around how to express anger around the in-laws besides posting on this site? I usually share everything with my husband (deep fears +desires included) but now there is this sudden topic that I cannot fully share with him anymore 🙁 Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas surrounding how to not suppress these emotions and let them out in a healthy, conscious way that does not hurt the husband? **


Sending out love to the frustrated ones…