( Many spelling mistakes, did not correct anything)
Sometimes a feel different about my relationship.I wonder if getting BK with him was a gd idea. I wonder if he truly loves me. I wonder if he lies to me. He does lie, I've caught him lying but why don't I say anything.why do I just sit there and smile. Why have I broken so many of my own relationship rules. TYPICAL me would of left a long time ago… I do love him. I'm scared to have him depend on me, I want him to be strong even if he's not with me. I want him to know he doesn't NEED me, this simply led him to the shitty relationship he used to be in. I still see the pain in his eyes when I talk about his past relationship, I don't think he could admit to himself how crappy it was. I've asked him throughout our relationship why he still hanged out with her. The answers that I got : I need her shopping advice ( yet his closet was dull), we been through alot, she needs me, she will do something stupid, she's a friend. He doesn't even know why he still hangs with her. I know he thinks I'm immature for not liking, but what kind of person would I be if I was nice to a person that destroyed my baby. I'm sure she has never apologized or acknowledge what she did. Ill never forget when he was going shopping with her and he asked me if I wanted to come then he said” I don't want HER to feel awkward” then when we went on a double date he said” don't kiss me unless she kisses matt first”….only god knows how much it hurt. But I just sat there and obeyed.why did I do that? I don't know…pity? I probably just felt so embarrassed for him… she still had a huge effect on him n he's completely oblivious.I don't even see her as a threat, she's dull&tries to hard , i just dont like how hes still affected+ she wasn't even gd to him….Then theres the night he exploded, 1.he ASKED if I needed a lift but was already driving her. The bitch lives next to a bus.2.on the drive he went on about how hot he finds her. 3. He was getting mad at the other guys for flirting with her 4.she called him whipped, he sat there quietly like a victim. 5. He YELLED at me for her. Those 5 things should of been the end. I should have walked out that car. But yet again I didn't.I stayed.I will not tell him what to do, he's a big boy and can do wtv he wants, but he should realise and ask other girls NO ONE would put up with this the way I am. Love, stupid love turns me into am idiot. I will do everything to make it work, he's a great guy and we haven't had any other problems in other aspects of our relationship. Its 2014 though, no more passive&quiet. Not putting up with his crap. On this relationship ride you either respect the limitations of your baggage, or discard the shit because we won't be moving.
Sounds like you need to get the hell outta that mess. It's screwing up your head big time. I think you know what you need to do, but I also know how hard it is to make that move.
My dad always said “think with your head, not your heart.” I never listened to that advice and because I didn't, I made some really bad choices… especially when it came to men. Try loving yourself enough to change your situation.
I wish I could practice what I preach.
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