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    Arc posted an update 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    April 1st/ 2nd, 2019 (it’s 11:58 by the time i finish it’ll be after 12:00 AM) I’ve been procrastinating for weeks on making an entry but I just never got around to it until now. Now feels like as good time though. So lets just put it all out there: I engaged in a sexual act, I’m now 20, My FTS is gone, and she texted me about Jordan being in a bad place. I’m now 20, and although I still very much feel like a kid other view me as a young man, a MAN. 1999 was 20 years ago and I still can’t believe it. I’m in my 20’s and it’s only going forward from there. I may still feel like a kid but I still acknowledge how much I’ve grown. From birth until now at this very second. Everything I’ve been through has made me who I am today and that’s someone who will always strive to be better tomorrow. I am my own competition. Saying I’m 20 out loud makes me feel to weird like it makes it way more real. Now, About that text. Ken has a car now so once again we’ve had another one of those realization talks while he was driving and they really never get old. A part of me still wishes that things had been different between her and I but their not and It is what it is. However Ken did bring something up that I had stopped thinking about; the notion of her and I getting back together in the future only this time we’ve matured. I told him I’d stopped thinking about that long ago other wise I would have been stuck. But, now that I think about it I am stuck, not on her, but with girls in general. hmmmm now that I really think about what if a have a real fear of them? That’d wouldn’t be….healthy, I guess. Well what ever it is I have to get passed it. Gee wiz that obstacles never stop lol, but aye that’s life. That sexual act really taught me a lesson on what not to do, and that’s to not fool around with girls you don’t love in that way, sexually. well at least not with friends. That’s pretty much all for now; until next time. see you later Future Malik 🙂 .